Total Randomness at 6:00 a.m.

Today is Thursday.

If I stay in this house all day I might go mad. I could go to the park with Megan and Samuel.

I get more money deposited into my bank account tomorrow. Then I can buy groceries. LOTS of groceries.

It's been over a week since I went to the grocery store. Down to the nubbins in my fridge. I'll have to start opening cans of fruit and cooking food from the freezer.

Essie's Grandpa picks her up from school today. They do homework for hours, until Essie almost snaps. Is this Family School right for her? It's only September and she's already getting burned out on the amount of homework. I don't think we can attend this school for too many more years. Should we move? S.Y. Jackson Elementary takes transfers...

What is the best thing to do with my time today? Pay attention to Samuel. He gets a little neglected between Megan's demands and Essie's demanding schooling. He loves attention.

Nobody monitors me or my time. I am my own boss. Has it's upsides and it's downsides. First of all, there's no one to hold me accountable. But then, there's also no one to hold me accountable. I'm still a little kid, sometimes, too. I need someone to give me a grade. B+. I get a B+ for a clean kitchen. Not an A. You forgot to finish the dishes last night.

Peaches. Sounds so yummy. But I am not supposed to drive anywhere today because it's my "day off." Peaches.

I could just not tell anyone.

What was I thinking I would make for breakfast today? Coconut Banana Muffins. Broccoli Bites from the freezer. A green smoothie. Chocolate chip cookies. Oooooh, home-made bread, and for dinner! Pizza.

Too bad fresh salad doesn't come from a can.

Mr. Bean's Holiday is such a funny movie. The actor, Rowan, has to work so hard to be creative that at the end of shooting a day's film he is exhausted. A real artist. A perfectionist. Like me. He's hard on himself, hard on the people around him. His randomness is completely planned, right down to his facial and body expressions.

2 emails in my inbox. I wish there were more. I love people. Paul says I need to get out and interact with people more. I agree. He also says I need to invite people over. I agree. But it would take overcoming that shy part of myself that puts up brick walls for safety. Safety from rejection. From hurt. It's a risk. But it will probably have high returns.

I love fall. The only thing I don't like about fall is that winter comes next. Why winter? Why snow for months on end? Cold. Dark. Where is the sunshine? I will learn how to cope with it. I will buy myself the most beautiful coat, and expensive snazzy snow boots. I will celebrate life, even in the hard times, like my Grandma did. I wish I had a picture of my Grandma.

Did you know that the day hasn't started yet? It could be anything. It could be a day where I snuck out to the grocery store. It could be a day where I exercise for over an hour. Samuel and I could go on an adventure hunt. What will you do with your day? Will you attempt something different? Get a drink from the drinking fountain in the middle of work and just randomly start playing with the water. Splash it all over the floor. Like a kid. Get fired. You might like it.

Play. I long to play with my kids. Read books until my throat is sore. Jump on the trampoline until my legs come out from underneath me. Eat peaches until we're covered in peachy syrup. Forget the kitchen. Forget cooking. Forget food. Who needs food when there is life to live?

I do. I guess. Rats. It would be more fun to just come over and hang out with you. We could laugh until our sides hurt. We could laugh at how totally ridiculous this post is. But you love me. Even if it's totally random. Now you see inside my head. You know exactly what's going on. A million thoughts, in no particular order. You have thoughts like this too, I am sure.

I would wish that you could have the best day. I would wish a quiet moment at your desk, where no one interrupts you. I would wish your recipes to turn out fantastic and taste so delicious that your friends are jealous. I would wish you the light that beautiful, loud music can offer. I would wish you the sound of birds. Or the sound of rain. Wherever you are. I wish for you...