I've just started feeling. For first time in, well, YEARS. It's the writing. The writing that says be vulnerable, share who you really are. Speak. From your own voice.
Do you know what the rules say? Be quiet. Blend in. Sound like everyone else. I don't like the rules. I only like God's rules. Because they are real.
Man's rules? Are restrictive. Everywhere I go there are unwritten rules about how I am supposed to look. What I am supposed to say.
Do you know what it's like to start feeling your feelings? It hurts at first. You might cry. I did.
But right now you know what it feels like to live everything forced. Force yourself to get out of bed in the morning. Force yourself to go to church every Sunday. Why not just be? Why not just go to church the way you are, instead of the way everyone else says you should be? Why not go to church the way God wants you to go?
Is it forced? Do you spend every day squelching what you really feel, and who you really are? Don't. Please stop.
Instead, write. Please write. And read. Read books that make you feel. Eat food that makes you sing. Throw away the junk. Pig out on veggies because it feels awesome. Yeah, I used the word AWESOME.
If your gut and your mind are screaming at you to feel one way, but man's rules step in front of you and tell you to halt. Tell those rules to take a flying leap.
Make a freaking vegetable soup when you want it. Eat five, no, SIX bowls of it. Eat salad. Let yourself eat it every single day, even if it does take more work than an old pb&j. Let yourself have needs. And really listen to them.
Listen to your body. Listen to what it is saying. Start feeling. Even if it takes writing. And feed your kids when they are hungry, too. I'm just sayin'. The rules are too tight. They hurt, and they squeeze. Step out of it, and do it God's way. And the way you feel.